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 THE LIFE MANAGEMENT CENTER
Integrative Medical Therapy for the Body, Mind, Spirit
Counseling Division of Alliance of Divine Love Inc., Chapel 573
 TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE INSTANTLY

CALL TODAY AND BEGIN YOUR NEW LIFE  480/706-8137
One Restructuring Session is Worth 10 Years of Talk Therapy

LIFE MANAGEMENT COACHING & COUNSELING  Available 24/7  
WORLDWIDE PHONE SESSIONS:   480/706-8137
ONLINE SESSIONS:  
easytherapy@q.com     skype: adeletar

 RESTRUCTURE YOUR MIND TODAY
MENTAL ERASERS  Are AVAILABLE EXCLUSIVELY Here!
Re-Wire Your Brain & Change Instantly!
BE THE PERSON YOU WANT TO BE
HAVE THE LIFE YOU WANT TO HAVE!
 

   MISSION STATEMENT:
A quiet lake oasis where souls in search of themselves can recover
their Authentic Selves before the programming, re-create their lives,
and handle their issues in a safe, gentle, and loving atmosphere.

Site excerpted from the writing of Adele Tartaglia

Adele is truly a gifted person on this planet. She is able to assist you move past boundaries
and borders and create a life you are desiring with love, compassion and a caring
that not many people have.
Jeanne Henderson, Success Coach

ADELE TARTAGLIA, Transform Your Life Expert, BA, CPRT, CHt, TLT
Bd. Cert. Regression Therapist & Hypnotherapist, 
Time Line Therapist, Self Empowerment Facilitator, Author,
Developer Restructuring Therapy, Avatar Master, Interfaith Minister

POWER PLACES TOURS SPEAKER AVAILABLE

Transform Your Life Instantly Radio Show:
http://thewinonline.com/shows/transform-your-life-instantly

 RESTRUCTURING THERAPY
The Owner’s Manual to Life
HIGHLY EFFECTIVE TREATMENT for
Addictions, Abuse, Personality Disorders,
Fear, PTSD & Phobias Without Re-Living them.
PAIN MANAGEMENT, DEPRESSION, FEAR, ANXIETY & ANGER

   The LAW OF ATTRACTION WORKS AGAINST 90% of PEOPLE
 75% of their Attracting Energy is based in a Negative Subconscious
 Restructuring the Content of the Unconscious Mind
Makes Multi-Leveled Alignment Easy so
The Law of Attraction Works For You Instead of Against You

 Transform Your Life by Transforming Your Mind
 Restructuring Protocols
Produce Core Level Transformations.
Custom Designed Protocols Delete Memories, Traumas,
Beliefs, Programs, Triggers, Behaviors, Identities, Traits
and Defense Mechanisms Sabotaging Your Life

    COGNITIVE, BEHAVIORAL & EMOTIONAL  Restructuring
set in a Waking Reframe Called Healing in Consciousness
Returns You to
Your Authentic Self  before the programming!
BE HAPPY, PEACEFUL and SUCCESSFUL 

TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE INSTANTLY: Mental Erasers
Make the Law of Attraction Work For You, Instead of Against You,   ISBN  978-1-4243-2292-3
Pre-order 2nd Edition Ebook at 15% Discount      books2changeyou@q.com

YOUR ONE STOP  SELF IMPROVEMENT CENTER
Self Improvement must be Whole Person Improvement which is the result
of mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual alignment and integration into
a balanced cohesive functioning personality structure. Whole person therapy
using my Restructuring Protocols brings each major component of
the psyche to optimum performance and positive attitudinal health.

Why Is This Happening to Me …. Again?
REMOVE THE ORIGINATING PROGRAM…..NEVER BE TRIGGERED AGAIN
End Repetitive Life Patterns & Behaviors

If you ignore things, you continue to attract the same type of circumstances
until you decide to deal with the issue. Often, the intensity of the experiences
increases each time you don’t learn the lesson until it becomes impossible to ignore.

Staying stuck in the same challenges, beliefs,
and behaviors assures that you will have the SAME LIFE
10 YEARS FROM NOW
that you have now.

  IT IS NEVER WHAT HAPPENS TO A PERSON that changes their life…
It’s what they think, feel, remember, and believe
about the event and themselves.

I’m doing great. The one we did erasing my view of my husband and my father really helped and I thank you for that. My husband and I are communicating beautifully, which makes all the difference for us. Thanks.

CLIENT SERVICES
  Change Your Mind    Change Your Life

Counseling  :  Personal, Spiritual, Business Mentoring
Life Management Coaching
Life Transitions: Death, Divorce, Job Loss, Illness

PTSD, Phobias, Stress Management, Anxiety, Catastrophizing
 Remove Addiction & Illness Sourced in Past Life Experiences
Sexual Abuse Recovery,   Emotional Release
Anger Management,  Impulse Control
Grief Counseling, Insomnia,  Pain Relief
Procrastination Syndrome ,  Unresolved Childhood Issues

 REMOVING SABOTAGING IDENTITIES
Sufferer, Religious Fanatic, Self Hater, Guilty, Shame Based,
Self Sabotager, Unworthy, Invalid, Broke, Failure
Denial & Projection, Resistant, Scapegoat, Underachiever

    PASTORAL COUPLES COUNSELING
Family Counseling, Pre-Marital, Blended Family Issues,
Teens in Crisis, Children Divorce Counseling

 ADDICTIONS    Behavior Modifications
100% Tax Deductible  Hypnosis
Weight Loss ,  Quit Smoking 
Eating Disorders, Alcohol, Drugs, Infidelity, Sex Addiction

Adele is very caring and very smart and perceptive.
If you need a new viewpoint on life or want to solve a life-long issue, go for it. She’s that good.

THERAPEUTIC APPROACHES

 Restructuring Therapy
Past & Current Life Regression Therapy
Deletion of Past Life Residues, Rescripting Karmic Contracts

Cognitive Restructuring Protocols
Behavioral Restructuring  Protocols
Emotional Restructuring Protocols
Forgiveness & Releasement Protocols
Personality & Indentity Protocols
Aligning the Multi-level Mind

Aligned Goal Setting
The Art of Instant Manifestation

Business and Success Coaching
Self Empowerment Courses

Naturopathic Protocols
Holotropic Breathwork
NLP Time Line Therapy
Psycho-Astrology Reports


Adele Tartaglia has a heart of gold so if you choose to work with her for counseling you will be in good hands with someone who really cares. But more than that, she also knows everything about all the different healing modalities out there and she tailors each one to the client based on what they need at that moment.
Ed Hale, Owner Optum Consulting

SELF EMPOWERMENT GOALS

- To Return to Their Authentic Selves -that divine essence of love-
- To Remember What Their Life Purpose Is –
- Become Personally Responsible for their Thoughts, Words and Deeds -
– Abiding Awareness That They Are Creating It All
& Have The Ability to Change Any Existing Reality -
- To Handle Life Challenges as Opportunities
To Develop Self Worth and Esteem -
- To Finish With the Unresolved Issues of Childhood & the Past -
- To Stop Repetitive Behaviors and Life Patterns -
- To Act Intentionally Rather Than from Default Settings -
- To Shift from Disempowering Speech to Conscious Languaging


*******

LIFE IS A REFLECTION OF YOUR BELIEFS
Change Your Beliefs…Change Your Life

Knowing that beliefs are the primary principle of causality operating in your life, you will want to examine the beliefs you have and handle the ones that are not contributing to your welfare. By learning belief management tools, you will be able to manage life, break repetitive patterns, accomplish behavior modification, and discover the self that is creating the beliefs that are making up the world you are experiencing as your life. You can use these techniques to take back control of your life, stop giving away your power, change your relationships, create rewarding work experiences, manifest abundance, and integrate mind body connections. You will begin to acknowledge yourself as the true source of the events you are encountering, which of course you are. This admission is the beginning of total empowerment.

Adele, Thank you for being the gift that you are – knowledgeable, wise,
loving, compassionate, joyful and passionate.
Melvy Murguia, CPC, Quantum Coach

  

 

POWER PLACES SPEAKER AVAILABLE

 Power Places Tours Speaker Available for Speaking Engagements

Please keep me in mind should you have any last minute speaker no shows or have to be away yourself. I would like to offer my services at your conference to present Transform Your Life Instantly: Mental Erasers Make the Law of Attraction Work for You Instead of Against You, 2nd Edition 2010, which presents an aligned approach to spirit mind body integration. I also speak on Consciousness, The Eternal Life of the Soul, and Intentional Living.

I have presented this material for years and used it in my Life Management Center therapy practices so I can step in at a moment’s notice. Please reference my bio on http://thelifemanagementcenter.com.  I would be happy to send you a flyer on the book and an excerpt. Thank you for your consideration.

Adele Tartaglia, BA, Transform Your Life Expert, Bd Cert Regression Therapist, Consciousness Coach, Author, Radio Show Host, Power Places Empowerment Facilitator, Avatar Master,  http://thelifemanagementcenter.com; http://tools2changeyourlife.comhttp://livingintentionally.org.  480/706-8137  easytherapy@q.com

FEE SCHEDULE

The Life Management Center
AUGUST  2010  FEE SCHEDULE

One Restructuring Session is like 10 Years of Talk Therapy

Standard Session Fees: $150 – $200 Hour
Intake Sessions  $150 hr
Counseling  $150-200 hr  [Available 24/7 with a monthly deposit]
Custom Designed Protocol Preparation  $75 hr
Restructuring Session  $200 hr
Hypnotherapy Session  $200 hr
Regression Therapy Session  $200 hr
Parallel Therapy Session   $200 hr
Phone Consultation/Sessions  $150 hr
On-line Counseling    $150 hr

Life Coaching: $150-200 hr

Addiction Therapy:    [May Require 2-3 Sessions and is billed at $200 hr]
Smoking
Drinking
Weight Loss
Anger
Infidelity
Sex Addiction
Health Issues

The Intake Session is carefully recorded and studied and then CUSTOM DESIGN PROTOCOLS are created for every belief, emotion, event, core issue, and behavior pattern that is impeding their attempts to have a successful happy  functional life.

In the next session, by phone or in person, we do a Restructuring Session using their specific protocols.
 
Due to the nature of my preparation work, it usually only takes one session to change a person’s programs and thus their life. The number of sessions depends on how much a person can absorb, stay focused on, and how many beliefs and patterns attached to the issue there are to restructure in their multi-level mind. The goal is to handle an entire mental construct or issue and remove all beliefs and behaviors supporting that issue in one session.

Associated behaviors and programs should be removed to support the primary presenting issue’s deletion in a timely manner since programs that are wired together, fire together, and the goal of therapy is to remove the underlying beliefs, core issues and triggers that cause repetitive life patterns.
 
We can only handle one issue at a time so as not to overload the subconscious mind which has to integrate the session throughout the following week and implement the new programs installed in it.

Payment:  
Payment is Due at time of service. Any remaining or overdue amounts incur a 2% monthly interest charge.
Accepted Payment Forms:

Cash
Checks made payable to Adele Tartaglia
Credit Cards:  Visa, MasterCard  [Statement will read the Life Management Center]

Life Management Center Contract:
I agree to employ Adele Tartaglia, Bd. Cert. Hypnotherapist, Bd. Cert. Regression Therapist, NLP Time Line Therapist, Restructuring Therapist DBA The Life Management Center, to do Integrative Medical Therapies with me at the above cited rates.

Date_________________________

Client Printed Name _____________________
 
Client Signature_________________________
 
 

CONTACT & APPOINTMENTS

Make An Appointment Today
Re-Wire Your Multi-Level Mind
Have the Life You Want to Have
 

The Life Management Center
Integrative Medical Therapies
Self Empowerment Courses Worldwide

Nationwide Phone Sessions   480/706-8137
Online Therapy   
easytherapy@q.com    skype adeletar

Adele Tartaglia, Transform Your Life Instantly Expert, Bd. Cert. Regression Therapist, Bd. Cert. Ericksonian Hypnotherapist, Author, Avatar Master.

Congratulations on wanting a better quality of life for yourself.  Change is easy and permanent using my Protocols within the parameters of Healing in Consciousness. Therapy is non traumatic and non-imprinting. I am committed to helping you restore your life to a joyful fully functional one!  Call for an appointment anytime you need encouragement and want to feel uplifted. 
 

The Influence of Our Perceptions on Our Lives

 How We Interpret Life Alters Our Life

 Excerpted from Transform Your Life Instantly: Mental Erasers
Make Your Mind Work for You Instead of Against You

The beliefs behind your perceptions, your interpretations on life, self, and others influence everything in your life. Mental and emotions filters cloud our judgments with untested prejudices, precepts, fears, and assumptions based on previous experiences.

Your perceptions include your beliefs about the world around you, your own life, other people and yourself as a person. They are based on memory and filters stored in the data base of your subconscious mind and used to interpret sensory stimuli, events, people, and bodily conditions. Your assumptions influence the way you think about, act on, and speak regarding the major areas of your existence.

Your perceptual reality includes your filters through which every real time event is filtered depending on what the bias set is of your filter. Emotional operating systems based in negativity  such as anger, hostility, resentment, or egoism result in one kind of frame on life versus an emotional operating system based on positive beliefs such as understanding, acceptance, compassion or love, results in the opposite frame on life. The filters or mechanisms through which we run stimuli create our external and internal responses and triggering.

Further, your understanding of “reality” even conditions and limits your ability to be aware of what is taking place around you. The NIH study on molecules of emotion confirms that it is memory and emotions that create the episodes of our lives and explains how the native Americans did not actually see or fully integrate the Pilgrims landing on their shore. There was nothing in their memory or experience to use as a reference point to assign meaning to what they saw. Therefore they were incapable of discerning, interpreting or analyzing these large vessels heading toward them. Obviously this was a tremendous handicap to them since not recognizing the imminent danger, they took no immediate action to protect themselves.

What is incomprehensible to us because of our conditioning, we don’t defend against, prepare for, or even realize the import of until it is often too late.  A sheltered child has no frame of reference for attacks against them by the criminal element of society since they were conditioned to believe such things don’t happen in real life. Even after the acts are committed and they are suffering the consequences, they are still stymied to take action because their minds remain incredulous that the event even took place. It’s always why did this happen to me? We know that on some level of consciousness, protected as they were, there is another level of beliefs that set them up for abused or attacked. Without some people take advantage of you, people lie, steal and cheat, people can’t be trusted, program in their subconscious mind, their mind would not have attracted the event. You can’t experience what you don’t believe in some part of the mind since it is your beliefs and the emotions attached to them stored in memory that are the attracting element of consciousness. You can see how mixed messages render a person confused, naive, and gullible. 

We transfer beliefs and frames depending on how we experience mother and project them onto other women in our life. Forming biases and emotional triggers about women in general that we are unaware of continue to color or filter our interactions with the female gender. The same is true for our perceptions about men based on our relationship beliefs about father and even, about our bosses based on our perceptions about whoever was the authority figure in our childhood.

Much of couples counseling stems from fears and assumptions about their mate based on this transference from our mothers and fathers that we are projecting onto our spouses. Once cleaned up in the mind of the person experiencing difficulties, understanding, relating, or communication issues with their partners, they begin to see them quite differently and more in alignment with who they actually are.

We also have huge multi-layered belief systems, perceptions, and preconceived notions about bodies in general and our body specifically. They are associated with additional programs about worthiness, physical competency, health, and prognostications about our future well being. If we have done well physically as a child and received praise and admiration for our performance, we will assume for the rest of our lives that we are physically competent. The same is true for the opposite. If we are not physically adept for instance, we form perceptions about ourself that include I am clumsy, not athletic, etc. If we are told we are fat, overweight, unattractive, or ugly, those labels remain our self definition until we remove them.  This accepted belief about ourself continues to control how we perceive not only ourselves as unworthy and unlovable but also limits our relationship possibilities and potential for being treated with respect and kindness. It is an ideal set up for acceptance of abusive partners later in life since the premise is we’re lucky to have anyone at all.

We know there is a subliminal consensus agreed upon reality in mass consciousnesses such as the one that sustains the co-creation that the body is solid instead of filled with empty space.

However, no matter how objective a person is, not including the superconscious objective self, no one sees any event or circumstance without biases and prejudices. There is no one  reality that everyone shares that is completely aligned because of each person’s personal depiction of what happened, what is currently taking place, and the predictions of what may happen in the future. This is why witness testimony, hear say evidence, and gossiping are always unreliable. By the time a story gets passed around a room or repeated in court, it is never the same story as it was when it started out. Every person repeating it instantly adds their own interpretation based on how their mind has processed the story without even realizing they have tweaked it in their minds before they passed it on.

Perceptual filters as well as perceptual beliefs, biases, and dispositions can be intergenerationally handed down thru modeling and DNA or ones you created and installed yourself in response to real life experiences.

Many family arguments arise out of just this fact. One person sees the situation or behavior from their own slant and acts or speaks on their perception and another person in the family unit  does the same. Since no one, not even children with the same parents ever experienced their childhood, their parents or siblings the same, everyone argues for their viewpoint sure that their impression of the situation or person is entirely accurate. The child who was treated with respect and/or love believes more positive things about their experiences, themselves, and their parents than does the child with the same parents who was rejected and undermined believe about his experiences, himself, and his parents.  The same is true for partners who are filled with biases and beliefs they bring to the table of relationship.

The fact is there is my viewpoint about an incident, there is your viewpoint about the incident and there is the truth of what happened  somewhere in between our two biased viewpoints.

Our perspective on events, self and others is influenced greatly by who we think we are, how threatening we perceive the event to be to us personally, and the programs in our own mind. These reference points differ from person to person causing each person to perceive and experience the same event differently. What makes one person stronger breaks another person.

Changing our perceptions, filters and perceptual reality can be handled by restructuring the perceptions and the beliefs sustaining those perceptions, and restructuring our perceptual filters which automatically reformats our perceptual reality of moment to moment events. Restructuring includes cognitive, emotional and behavioral restructuring protocols such as examining and experiencing in theta consciousness, deleting detrimental perceptions and misperceptions and installing new mindsets based on rewarding interpretations of reality. 

 Transform Your Life Instantly: Mental Erasers Make Your Mind Work for You Instead of Against You © 2005, 2nd Edition 2010, Adele Tartaglia

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is a theory in psychology, proposed by Abraham Maslow in his 1943 paper A Theory of Human Motivation. Maslow subsequently extended the idea to include his observations of humans’ innate curiosity.

Maslow studied what he called exemplary people such as Albert Einstein, Jane Addams, Eleanor Roosevelt, and Frederick Douglass rather than mentally ill or neurotic people, writing that “the study of crippled, stunted, immature, and unhealthy specimens can yield only a cripple psychology and a cripple philosophy.”[3] Maslow also studied the healthiest 1% of the college student population.

Representations

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is represented in the shape of a pyramid, with the largest and lowest levels of needs at the bottom, and the need for self-actualization at the top.[1][4]

Deficiency needs

The lower four layers of the pyramid contain what Maslow called “deficiency needs” or “D-needs”: physiological (including sexuality), security of position, friendship and love, and esteem. With the exception of the lowest (physiological) needs, if these “deficiency needs” are not met, the body gives no physical indication but the individual feels anxious and tense.

Physiological needs

For the most part, physiological needs are obvious – they are the literal requirements for human survival. If these requirements are not met (with the exception of clothing and shelter), the human body simply cannot continue to function.

Physiological needs include:
• Breathing
• Food
• Sexual activity
• Homeostasis

Air, water, and food are metabolic requirements for survival in all animals, including humans. The intensity of the human sexual instinct is shaped more by sexual competition than maintaining a birth rate adequate to survival of the species. The theme of genetic heritage over survival is treated at length in The Selfish Gene.

The urge to have sex is so powerful that it can drain psychic energy away from other necessary goals. Therefore every culture has to invest great efforts in rechanneling and restraining it, and many complex social institutions exist only in order to regulate this urge. The saying that “love makes the world go round” is a polite reference to the fact that most of our deeds are impelled, either directly or indirectly, by sexual needs. — Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi in Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience

Safety needs

With their physical needs relatively satisfied, the individual’s safety needs take precedence and dominate behavior. These needs have to do with people’s yearning for a predictable, orderly world in which injustice and inconsistency are under control, the familiar frequent and the unfamiliar rare. In the world of work, these safety needs manifest themselves in such things as a preference for job security, grievance procedures for protecting the individual from unilateral authority, savings accounts, insurance policies, and the like.
For most of human history many individuals have found their safety needs unmet, but As of 2009 “First World” societies provide most with their satisfaction, although the poor – both those who are poor as a class and those who are temporarily poor (university students would be an example) – must often still address these needs.

Safety and Security needs include:
• Personal security
• Financial security
• Health and well-being
• Safety net against accidents/illness and their adverse impacts

Social Needs

After physiological and safety needs are fulfilled, the third layer of human needs is social. This psychological aspect of Maslow’s hierarchy involves emotionally-based relationships in general, such as:
• Friendship
• Intimacy
• Having a supportive and communicative family

Humans need to feel a sense of belonging and acceptance, whether it comes from a large social group, such as clubs, office culture, religious groups, professional organizations, sports teams, gangs (”Safety in numbers”), or small social connections (family members, intimate partners, mentors, close colleagues, confidants). They need to love and be loved (sexually and non-sexually) by others. In the absence of these elements, many people become susceptible to loneliness, social anxiety, and clinical depression. This need for belonging can often overcome the physiological and security needs, depending on the strength of the peer pressure; an anorexic, for example, may ignore the need to eat and the security of health for a feeling of control and belonging.

Esteem

All humans have a need to be respected and to have self-esteem and self-respect. Also known as the belonging need, esteem presents the normal human desire to be accepted and valued by others. People need to engage themselves to gain recognition and have an activity or activities that give the person a sense of contribution, to feel accepted and self-valued, be it in a profession or hobby. Imbalances at this level can result in low self-esteem or an inferiority complex. People with low self-esteem need respect from others. They may seek fame or glory, which again depends on others. Note, however, that many people with low self-esteem will not be able to improve their view of themselves simply by receiving fame, respect, and glory externally, but must first accept themselves internally. Psychological imbalances such as depression can also prevent one from obtaining self-esteem on both levels.

Most people have a need for a stable self-respect and self-esteem. Maslow noted two versions of esteem needs, a lower one and a higher one. The lower one is the need for the respect of others, the need for status, recognition, fame, prestige, and attention. The higher one is the need for self-respect, the need for strength, competence, mastery, self-confidence, independence and freedom. The latter one ranks higher because it rests more on inner competence won through experience. Deprivation of these needs can lead to an inferiority complex, weakness and helplessness.

Maslow stresses the dangers associated with self-esteem based on fame and outer recognition instead of inner competence. He sees healthy self-respect as based on earned respect.

Self-actualization

“What a man can be, he must be”[5]. This forms the basis of the perceived need for self-actualization. This level of need pertains to what a person’s full potential is and realizing that potential. Maslow describes this desire as the desire to become more and more what one is, to become everything that one is capable of becoming.[6]. This is a broad definition of the need for self-actualization, but when applied to individuals the need is specific. For example one individual may have the strong desire to become an ideal mother, in another it may be expressed athletically, and in another it may be expressed in painting, pictures, or inventions [7]. As mentioned before, in order to reach a clear understanding of this level of need one must first not only achieve the previous needs, physiological, safety, love, and esteem, but master these needs. Below are Maslow’s descriptions of a self-actualized person’s different needs and personality traits.

Acceptance

A self-actualized person “can accept their own human nature in the stoic style, with all its shortcomings, with all its discrepancies from the ideal image without feeling real concern”[8]. This means that a self-actualized person can clearly see human nature in all its good and evil without the distortion from false social norms. Maslow uses basic animal acceptance to prove this point. He states that self-actualized people tend to be good and lusty animals, hearty in their appetites and enjoying them mightily without regret or shame[8]. This involves a basic acceptance of nature and the way things are rather than trying to change things (for example: disgust with body functions or having a food aversion) to suit one’s neuroses. This doesn’t mean these people lack morals, guilt, shame, or anxiety; it means that they have the ability to remove all unnecessary forms of these processes.

Problem Centering

Most people, when thinking of problems in their life, focus on what affects them and their own problems and issues; this applies particularly to insecure people. Self-actualized persons focus not on themselves, but for some greater good. These people attack problems as a “task they must do” and are concerned with “the good of mankind in general”.[9]

The Need for Privacy

The self-actualized can be solitary, with no human contact, and do no harm to themselves. In fact most of the self-actualized like “solitude and privacy to a definitely greater degree than the average person”[10]. This gives them a level of detachment and an ability to remain calm and aloof even in situations where a personal problem or misfortune arises.

Morality and Discrimination between Means and Ends

Maslow found that those who are self-actualized are very strong ethically. They have definite moral standards and do not experience the daily chaos of discerning right and wrong like most common people.[11] When dealing with means and ends they have the ability to clearly distinguish between the two. Also, Maslow found that they enjoy the means to an end: unlike most people who just see it as a means and want to finish it as soon as possible. For example, driving to a destination annoys most people but a self-actualized person would enjoy the drive, the experience of travel. It is also in their ability to take the most trivial and mundane activities or objects and turn them into a game or perhaps a dance.[12]

Sense of Humor

Maslow discovered that most self-actualized people do not have the same sense of humor as the average person. For example: they do not laugh at hostile humor (hurting someone to laugh), superiority humor (laughing at someone’s short comings), or authority-rebellion humor (laughing at unfunny, smutty jokes)[12]. A self-actualizing person’s sense of humor relates to philosophy and finding humor in humans who forget their place in the universe or when they act foolishly. It doesn’t attack people, rather states a message that happens to be funny. Self-actualized people don’t merely tell jokes to laugh, but to send a message or educate; “akin to parables or fables”[12].
 
Imperfections

Discussion thus far may give the impression that a self-actualized person seems perfect and above any problems or shortcomings of the common man, but this is not true. Maslow even states it is a mistake to wish for perfection or expect perfection because it cannot be obtained[13]. The self-actualized person also has basic human imperfections such as wasteful habits, vanity, pride, partiality to their family and friends, and temper outbursts. Maslow also discovers that, in the view of normal society, self-actualizing persons can appear quite ruthless. He attributes this to their strength and this makes it possible to make cold calculated decisions based on logic. For example a man who found his life-long, trusted friend was actually dishonest would end the friendship abruptly without any regret or any other emotional pangs[14] (Maslow 229). This may seem brutal to the common man, but it just exemplifies the strength of the self-actualized person at work.

The desires to Know and to Understand

This becomes the need after a person achieves self-actualization. Maslow understands the quest for knowledge can be the common man simply filling a basic need or the self-actualized man reaching his pinnacle, but these are only parts to the quest for knowledge not the entire picture. The list below shows Maslow’s examples of when the quest for knowledge is to satisfy merely a curiosity and not merely to fill a lesser need:

1. Something like human curiosity can easily be observed in the higher animals. The monkey will pick things apart, will poke his finger into holes, will explore in all sorts of situations where it is improbable that hunger, fear, sex, comfort status, etc., are involved. Harlow’s experiments (174) have amply demonstrated this in an acceptably experimental way.

 

 2. The history of mankind supplies us with a satisfactory number of instances in which man looked for facts and created explanations in the face of the greatest danger, even to life itself. There have been innumerable humbler Galileos.

 

 

 

3. Studies of psychologically healthy people indicate that they are, as a defining characteristic, attracted to the mysterious, to the unknown, to the chaotic, unorganized, and unexplained. This seems to be a Per se attractiveness; these areas are in themselves and of their own right interesting. The contrasting reaction to the well known is one of boredom.

4. It may be found valid to extrapolate from the psychopathological. The compulsive-obsessive neurotic (and neurotic in general), Goldstein’s brain-injured soldiers, Maier’s fixated rats (285), all show (at the clinical level of observation) a compulsive and anxious clinging to the familiar and a dread of the unfamiliar, the anarchic, the unexpected, the un-domesticated. On the other hand, there are some phenomena that may turn out to nullify this possibility. Among these are forced unconventionality, a chronic rebellion against any authority whatsoever, Bohemianism, the desire to shock and to startle, all of which may be found in certain neurotic individuals, as well as in those in the process of deacculturation. Perhaps also relevant here are the perseverative detoxifications described in Chapter 10, which are, behaviorally at any rate, an attraction to the dreadful, to the not understood and to the mysterious.

5. Probably there are true psychopathological effects when the cognitive needs are frustrated (295, 314). The following clinical impression are also pertinent.

6. I have seen a few cases in which it seemed clear to me that the pathology (boredom, loss of zest in life, self-dislike, general depression of the bodily functions, steady deterioration of the intellectual life, of tastes, etc.)8 were produced in intelligent people leading stupid lives in stupid jobs. I have at least one case in which the appropriate cognitive therapy (resuming parttime studies, getting a position that was more intellectually demanding, insight) removed the symptoms. I have seen many women, intelligent, prosperous, and unoccupied, slowly develop these same symptoms of intellectual inanition. Those who followed my recommendation to immerse themselves in something worthy of them showed improvement or cure often enough to impress me with the reality of the cognitive needs. In those countries in which access to the news, to information, and to the facts were cut off, and in those where official theories were profoundly contradicted by obvious facts, at least some people responded with generalized cynicism, mistrust of all values, suspicion even of the obvious, a profound disruption of ordinary interpersonal relationships, hopelessness, loss of morale, etc. Others seem to have responded in the more passive direction with dullness, submission, loss of. capacity, coarctation, and loss of initiative.

7. The needs to know and to understand are seen in late infancy and childhood, perhaps even more strongly than in adulthood. Furthermore this seems to be a spontaneous product of maturation rather than of learning, however defined. Children do not have to be taught to be curious. But they may be taught, as by institutionalization, not to be curious, e.g., Goldfarb (158).

8. Finally, the gratification of the cognitive impulses is subjectively satisfying and yields end-experience. Though this aspect of insight and understanding has been neglected in favor of achieved results, learning, etc., it nevertheless remains true that insight is usually a bright, happy, emotional spot in any person’s life, perhaps even a high spot in the life span.[15] (Maslow 94-95)

 

Maslow also states that even though these are examples of how the quest for knowledge is separate from basic needs he warns that these “two hierarchies are interrelated rather than sharply separated” (Maslow 97). This means that this level of need as well as the next and highest level are not strict, separate, levels but closely related to others and this is possibly the reason that these two levels of need are left out of most textbooks.
 

 Abraham Maslow in his 1943 paper A Theory of Human Motivation.

Defense Mechanisms

Defense Mechanisms

Because of anxiety provoking demands created by the id, superego, and reality, the ego has developed a number of defense mechanisms to cope with anxiety. Although we may knowingly use these mechanisms, in many cases these defenses occur unconsciously and work to distort reality.

While all defense mechanisms can be unhealthy, they can also be adaptive and allow us to function normally. The greatest problems arise when defense mechanisms are overused in order to avoid dealing with problems.

There are a number of defense mechanisms that have been described by researchers. Sigmund Freud’s daughter, Anna Freud described ten different defense mechanisms used by the ego.
 
Denial
Denial is probably one of the best known defense mechanisms, used often to describe those who seem unable to face reality or admit and obvious truth (i.e. “He’s in denial.”). Denial is an outright refusal to admit or recognize that something has occurred or is currently occurring. Drug addicts or alcoholics often deny that they have a problem, while victims of traumatic events may deny that the event ever occurred.

Denials functions to protect the ego from things that the individual cannot cope with. While this may save us from anxiety or pain, denial also requires a substantial investment of energy. Because of this, other defenses are also used to keep these unacceptable feelings from consciousness. 

Repression
Repression is another well-known defense mechanism. Repression acts to keep information out of conscious awareness. However, these memories don’t just disappear; they continue to influence our behavior. For example, a person who has repressed memories of abuse suffered as a child may later have difficulty forming relationships.

Sometimes we do this consciously by forcing the unwanted information out of our awareness, which is known as suppression, but it is usually believed to occur unconsciously

Displacement
If you have ever had a bad day at work, then gone home and taken out your frustration on family and friends, you have experienced the ego defense mechanism of displacement. Displacement involves taking out our frustrations, feelings, and impulses on people or objects that are less threatening. Displaced aggression is a common example of this defense mechanism. Rather than express our anger in ways that could lead to negative consequences (like arguing with our boss), we instead express our anger towards a person or object that poses no threat (such as our spouses, children, or pets).
 
Sublimation
Sublimation is a defense mechanism that allows us to act out unacceptable impulses by converting these behaviors into a more acceptable form. For example, a person experiencing extreme anger might take up kick boxing as a means of venting frustration. Freud believed that sublimation was a sign of maturity that allows people to function normally in socially acceptable ways.

Projection
Projection is a defense mechanism that involves taking our own unacceptable qualities or feelings and ascribing them to other people. For example, if you have a strong dislike for someone, you might instead believe that he or she does not like you. Projection functions to allow the expression of the desire or impulse, but in a way that the ego cannot recognize, therefore reducing anxiety.

Intellectualization
Intellectualization works to reduce anxiety by thinking about events in a cold, clinical way. This defense mechanism allows us to avoid thinking about the stressful, emotional aspect of the situation and focus only on the intellectual component. For example, a person who has just been diagnosed with a terminal illness might focus on learning everything about the disease in order to avoid distress and remain distant from the reality of the situation.

Rationalization
Rationalization is a defense mechanism that involves explaining an unacceptable behavior or feeling in a rational or logical manner, avoiding the true explanation for the behavior. For example, a person who is turned down for a date might rationalize the situation by saying they weren’t attracted to the other person anyway, or a student who blames a poor exam score on the instructor rather than his or her lack of preparation.

Rationalization not only prevents anxiety, it may also protect self-esteem and self-concept. When confronted by success or failure, people tend to attribute achievement to their own qualities and skills while failures are blamed on other people or outside forces.

Regression
When confronted by stressful events, people sometimes abandon coping strategies and revert to patterns of behavior used earlier in development. Anna Freud called this defense mechanism regression, suggesting that people act out behaviors from the stage of psychosexual development in which they are fixated. For example, an individual fixated at an earlier developmental stage might cry or sulk upon hearing unpleasant news.

Behaviors associated with regression can vary greatly depending upon which stage the person is fixated at:
• An individual fixated at the oral stage might begin eating or smoking excessively, or might become very verbally aggressive.
• A fixation at the anal stage might result in excessive tidiness or messiness.
Reaction formation
Reaction formation reduces anxiety by taking up the opposite feeling, impulse, or behavior. An example of reaction formation would be treating someone you strongly dislike in an excessively friendly manner in order to hide your true feelings. Why do people behave this way? According to Freud, they are using reaction formation as a defense mechanism to hide their true feelings by behaving in the exact opposite manner.

Other Defense Mechanism
Since Freud first described the original defense mechanisms, other researchers have continued to describe other methods of reducing anxiety. Some of these defense mechanisms include:
• Acting out – The individual copes with stress by engaging in actions rather than reflecting upon internal feelings.
• Affiliation – Involves turning to other people for support.
• Aim inhibition – The individual accepts a modified form of their original goal (i.e.a coach rather than an athlete.)
• Altruism – Satisfying internal needs through helping others.
• Avoidance – Refusing to deal with or encounter unpleasant objects or situations.
• Compensation – Overachieving in one area to compensate for failures in another.
• Humor – Pointing out the funny or ironic aspects of a situation.
• Passive-aggression – Indirectly expressing anger.

Personal Psychology
Defense mechanisms
 
Defense mechanisms are a set of unconscious way to protect one’s personality from unpleasant thoughts and realities which may otherwise cause anxiety. The notion of defense mechanism is an integral part of the psychoanalytic theory. Although often described as detrimental and negative ways that an individual deals with overwhelming stressors; these mechanisms can also be applied positively when dealing with conflicts. Used sparingly, they help people face difficult life situations. However, a defense mechanism can also lead to a neurosis if it causes a person to adopt ineffectual or inappropriate coping strategies.

Examples of defense mechanisms include: the examples given here are generally negative applications of the mechanism; although, these mechanism can often be used in healthy fashion to deal with stressors
 
Acting Out. Dealing with emotional stressors by actions rather than reflections or feelings.
For example, a person facing a small problem responds quickly with intense passion when the situation would not have required it.
 
Altruism. Dealing with emotional stressors by dedication to meeting the needs of others.
 For example, a person putting away her own problems starts to volunteer.
 
Anticipation. Dealing with emotional stressors by experiencing emotional reactions in advance of, or anticipating consequences of, possible future events and considering realistic, alternative responses or solutions.
For example, after a difficult job interview an unemployed candidate expects that he might not be selected by the employer.
 
Avoidance. Dealing with emotional stressors by refusing to encounter situations, objects, or activities because of the fear of failures or difficulties. Often seen in phobias.
For example, a worker refuses to confront an employer fearing his or her reactions.
 
Compensation. Dealing with emotional stressors by overemphasizing other activities or situations.
For example, a physically unattractive adolescent starts weightlifting.
Denial. Dealing with emotional stressors by failing to recognize obvious implications or consequences of a thought, act, or situation.
For example, a disabled person plans to return to former activities although it is evident it is virtually impossible.
 
Displacement. Dealing with emotional stressors by redirecting emotion from a ‘dangerous’ object to a ’safe’ object.
For example, a worker is angered by his superior but suppresses his anger; later, on return to his home, he punishes one of his children for misbehavior that would usually be tolerated or ignored.
 
Humor. Dealing with emotional stressors by emphasizing the amusing or ironic aspects of the conflict or stressors.
For example, a patient is laughing off the fact that physicians are unable to diagnose himself with a specific disease.
 
Idealization. Dealing with emotional stressors by overestimating the desirable qualities and underestimating the limitations of a desired object.
For example, a lover speaks in glowing terms of the beauty of an average-looking woman he has recently dated.
 
Intellectualization. Dealing with emotional stressors by excessive use of abstract thinking or complex explanations to control or minimize disturbing feelings.
For example, a husband is constructing elaborate logical explanations for his wife recent paranoid ideas.
 
Introjection. Dealing with emotional stressors by internalizing the values or characteristics of another person; usually someone who is significant to the individual in some way.
For example, adopting the ideals of a charismatic leader in order to deal with feelings of one’s own inadequacy.
 
Isolation. Dealing with emotional stressors by splitting-off of the emotional components from a difficult thought. The mechanism of isolation is commonly over utilized by people with obsessive compulsive personalities.
For example, a medical student dissects a cadaver without being disturbed by thoughts of death.
 
Passive Aggression. Dealing with emotional stressors by indirectly and unassertively expressing aggression toward others. See Passive-aggressive page for further details.
 
Projection. The opposite of introjection. Attributing one’s own emotions or desires to an external object or person.
For example, saying others hate you when it is you who hates the others.
 
Rationalization. Dealing with emotional stressors by inventing a socially acceptable or logical reason to justify an already taken unconscious emotional action.
For example, becoming drunk and then after-the-fact saying that it was need to ‘take the edge off’.”
 
Reaction formation. Dealing with emotional stressors by converting an uncomfortable feeling into its opposite.
For example, a married woman who is disturbed by feeling attracted to another man treats him rudely.
 
Repression. Moving thoughts unacceptable to the Ego into the unconscious, where they cannot be easily accessed.
 
Somatization. Dealing with emotional stressors by physical symptoms involving parts of the body innervated by the sympathetic and parasympathetic system.
For example, a highly competitive and aggressive person, whose life situation requires that such behavior be restricted, develops hypertension.
 
Sublimation. Dealing with emotional stressors by using the energy in other, usually constructive activities.
For example, playing sports to relieve stress or anger.
 
Suppression. Dealing with emotional stressors by deferred dealing with the stressor.
For example, a worker finds that he is letting thoughts about a date that evening interfere with his duties; he decides not to think about plans for the evening until he leaves work.
 
Undoing. Dealing with emotional stressors by negating a previous act or communication.
For example, after having made a derogatory statement to his wife, a husband brings her a gift.
 
Anxiety and Ego-Defense Mechanisms
 
In Freud’s view, the human is driven towards tension reduction, in order to reduce feelings of anxiety.

Anxiety : an aversive inner state that people seek to avoid or escape.

Humans seek to reduce anxiety through defense mechanisms

Defense Mechanisms can be psychologically healthy or maladaptive, but tension reduction is the overall goal in both cases.

A comprehensive list of Defense Mechanisms was developed by Anna Freud, Sigmund’s daughter.

Freud specified three major types of anxiety :
Reality Anxiety : the most basic form, rooted in reality. Fear of a dog bite, fear arising from an impending accident. (Ego Based Anxiety)

Most Common Tension Reduction Method :
Removing oneself from the harmful situation.
 
Neurotic Anxiety : Anxiety which arises from an unconscious fear that the libidinal impulses of the ID will take control at an in opportune time. This type of anxiety is driven by a fear of punishment that will result from expressing the ID’s desires without proper sublimation.
 
Moral Anxiety : Anxiety which results from fear of violating moral or societal codes, moral anxiety appears as guilt or shame.
 
Defense Mechanisms
 
When some type of anxiety occurs, the mind responds in two ways :
 
First, problem solving efforts are increases, and Secondly, defense mechanisms are triggered. These are tactics which the Ego develops to help deal with the ID and the Super Ego.

All Defense Mechanisms share two common properties :
 
They can operate unconsciously
They can distort, transform, or falsify reality is some way.
The changing of perceived reality allows for a lessening of anxiety, reducing the psychological tension felt by an individual.
 
Types of Defense Mechanisms:

Repression
The most basic defense mechanism.
Sometimes referred to as : defensiveness
Repression can be conscious but is most commonly unconscious.
 
Advantages :
Can prevent inappropriate ID impulses from becoming behaviors.
Can prevent unpleasant thoughts from becoming conscious.
Can prevent memories of things we have done wrong from resurfacing.
Repression does not have to be total, partial memories where only the single piece of damaging information is “forgotten” is common.
What an individual represses depends upon cultural expectations and the particular development of an individuals super-ego.
 
Denial
When people are overwhelmed by the anxiety present within a situation, they can engage an even more severe form of memory repression : Denial
 
In Denial, the individual denies that the threatening event even took place !
In war, a mother receives word that her Son has been killed, and yet refuses to believe it, still setting the table for him, keeping his room and clothes current.
At school, a student seeing a grade of “C” next to their name, and automatically assuming the professor made a grading error.
Alcoholics and other Substance Abusers who refuse to admit they have a problem, despite it being very apparent to everyone around them.
Denial becomes more difficult with age, as the ego matures and understands more about the “objective reality” it must operate within.
People engaging in Denial can pay a high cost is terms of cathected psychic energy which is used to maintain the denial state.
Repression and Denial are the two main defense mechanisms which everybody uses.
 
Projection
In projection, anxiety is reduced by claiming another person actually has the unpleasant thoughts that you are thinking. You are attributing your own repressed thoughts to someone else.
 
For example, lets say that you do not like someone.
Your mother and father always told you to treat other people well, and to be friendly to everyone.
 
These thoughts from your parents become embedded in your super ego.
You discover that you do not like this person.
If you allow this thought to consciously surface, you will experience moral anxiety in terms of guilt feelings, because this conscious thought goes against the moral prohibitions of your super ego.
So, instead of consciously thinking the anxiety provoking thought ” I do not like this person” , this defense mechanism allows for the non-anxiety provoking thought
“This person does not like me ”
 
Rationalization
This is a post-hoc (after the fact) defense mechanism.
 
Rationalization allows tofind logical reasons for inexcusable actions.
 
For Example : Cheating on Taxes
Possible Rationalization : It is better that I hold onto this money or the government will spend it on weapons of mass destruction.
Fail to get into Med school (law school) :
Possible Rationalization : I didn’t want to pursue that career, anyways.
Rationalization helps to protect our sense of self-esteem
Rationalization is closely tied to the Self-serving Bias : The tendency to interpret success as inwardly achieved and to ascribe failure to outside factors.
 
Intellectualization
 
Thinking about events in cold, hard, rational terms.
Separating oneself from the emotional content of an event, focusing instead on the facts.
 
Intellectualization protects against anxiety by repressing the emotions connected with an event.

For example, a wife who learns her husband is dying tries to learn all she can about the disease, prognosis, treatment options. By doing this she can help repress the emotional onslaught of feelings of loss and anger which can accompany the death of a loved one.
Freud believed that memories could have both conscious and unconscious aspects, and that intellectualization allows for the conscious analysis of non-anxiety provoking information about an event.
 
Regression
Because of partial fixations in any of the psychosexual stages of development, regression can occur when an individual is faced with high levels of stress in their life.
 
Regression is the giving up of mature problem solving methods in favor of child like approaches to fixing problems.
Someone with an oral fixation may increase their cigarette smoking of lollipop licking behavior when stressed at work.
Someone who is anal retentive might become more detail oriented and fastidiously neater as a result of anxiety.
This regression represents a way of relating to the world that was formerly effective.
Regression is a way to try to recapture some childhood satisfaction.
 
Displacement
Displacement is the shifting of intended targets, especially when the initial target is threatening.
 
The classic use of displacement is in the understanding of displaced aggression.
An individual is “dressed down” by the supervisor at their job.
They feel anger and hostility toward their supervisor.
Their ID, driven by aggressive impulses, would like to tear the boss’s head off.
The Ego, being reality based and very much in favor of continued paychecks, realizes that this is not a good idea and therefore does not remove boss’s head.
The person goes home, but still has this aggressive impulse.
The Ego allows for the individual to scream at the spouse, since it feels this will not threaten future paychecks.
The spouse, now angry and upset, displaces their anger on their child, who then becomes angry and kicks their pet dog, a further displacement of anger.

http://www.intekworld.com/

Coping Mechanisms

Coping Mechanisms

We are complex animals living complex lives in which we are not always able to cope with the difficulties that we face. As a result, we are subject to feelings of tension and stress, for example the cognitive dissonance and potential shame of doing something outside our values. To handle this discomfort we use various coping methods.

Here are coping mechanisms by type:

Adaptive mechanisms: That offer positive help.
Attack mechanisms: That push discomfort onto others.
Avoidance mechanisms: That avoid the issue.
Behavioral mechanisms: That change what we do.
Cognitive mechanisms: That change what we think.
Conversion mechanisms: That change one thing into another.
Defense mechanisms: Freud’s original set.
Self-harm mechanisms: That hurt our selves.

Here is a full list of coping mechanisms:

Acting out: not coping – giving in to the pressure to misbehave.
Aim inhibition: lowering sights to what seems more achievable.
Altruism: Helping others to help self.
Attack: trying to beat down that which is threatening you.
Avoidance: mentally or physically avoiding something that causes distress.
Compartmentalization: separating conflicting thoughts into separated compartments.
Compensation: making up for a weakness in one area by gain strength in another.
Conversion: subconscious conversion of stress into physical symptoms.
Denial: refusing to acknowledge that an event has occurred.
Displacement: shifting of intended action to a safer target.
Dissociation: separating oneself from parts of your life.
Emotionality: Outbursts and extreme emotion.
Fantasy: escaping reality into a world of possibility.
Help-rejecting complaining: Ask for help then reject it.
Idealization: playing up the good points and ignoring limitations of things desired.
Identification: copying others to take on their characteristics.
Intellectualization: avoiding emotion by focusing on facts and logic.
Introjection: Bringing things from the outer world into the inner world.
Passive aggression: avoiding refusal by passive avoidance.
Performing rituals: Patterns that delay.
Projection: seeing your own unwanted feelings in other people.
Provocation: Get others to act so you can retaliate.
Rationalization: creating logical reasons for bad behavior.
Reaction Formation: avoiding something by taking a polar opposite position.
Regression: returning to a child state to avoid problems.
Repression: subconsciously hiding uncomfortable thoughts.
Self-harming: physically damaging the body.
Somatization: psychological problems turned into physical symptoms.
Sublimation: channeling psychic energy into acceptable activities.
Substitution: Replacing one thing with another.
Suppression: consciously holding back unwanted urges.
Symbolization: turning unwanted thoughts into metaphoric symbols.
Trivializing: Making small what is really something big.
Undoing: actions that psychologically ‘undo’ wrongdoings for the wrongdoer.

 http://changingminds.org/explanations/behaviors/coping/coping.htm

“I’d Rather Be Right than Happy” Identity/Behavior

Resolution to “I’d Rather Be Right Than Happy”
Identity, Behavioral Mechanism, Personality Type 

 Excerpted from Transform Your Life Instantly: Mental Erasers Make Your Mind Work for You Instead of Against You, 2nd Edition 2005, Adele Tartaglia

Science has told us that expectations based on memories are strong contributing elements in creating the future events of our lives. 

If we choose to be right instead of choosing to learn something from an event by distrusting that there is always a purpose our minds created something, that there is only balance and order in the universe, we are attracting more of the same by  perpetuating the endless cycle of repetitive life patterns.
 
When we refuse to give new experiences or new solutions the benefit of the doubt, we are missing an occurrence of something new of a higher order that may change the direction of our lives.
 
The “I’d rather be right than happy” attitudinal stance in life seems at first like conceit or egoism when it actually stems from the complete opposite as do most behaviors overtly appearing like self aggrandizement. All are based on deep insecurities, worthiness issues, self doubt, and self abnegation.
 
Let’s look at a case history to demonstrate this point. In this instance all of the above demeaning viewpoints about self are present along with the instinct for self preservation. 
 
Let’s take a child with a physically and psychologically imposing rageaholic parent. Building himself up by using constant denigration of those around him, bullying, controlling, frightening, guilting, and shaming are his tools of self preservation learned at the knee of his grandfather and mother.
 
As he passes down this intergenerational dysfunctional program, now become coping mechanism, his family is so terrified of him and his violent temper that each develops their own mechanisms of self protection and survival in the threatening environment.
 
Mom shuts down emotionally when she can’t take the verbal abuse anymore, goes unconscious and lives in denial of the situation the entire marriage.
 
The older child, hoping to get revenge some day grows up meaner than the father by modeling after his abuser. He becomes an even worse rageaholic which is the case when an addictive behavior gets passed down to the next generation without therapeutic intervention to heal the core issues. The real self, and even the personality, of this child is lost for life by imitating the abusive father without any hope of recovering his authentic self unless healing of the underlying anger, fear, pain, self hate, and rejection is undertaken.
 
The younger child, a sickly passive people pleaser, also with no identity of her own, watches the combative relationship of her father and brother and decides early in life never to confront authority figures…literally for fear of her life. This message was stated by mother as she tried to prevent the out of control father from going too far in his punishments of the son.
 
This child devises her own mechanisms for survival, one of which is to think fast and talk even faster hoping to restore her father to sanity during his rages so that he doesn’t attack her or the rest of the family. She has prided herself on her mental capacities to compensate for the belief she lacked any other value.
 
She speaks the truth to him and appreciates from an early age that he is not himself when he is acting out and suffers as much from his maladaptive behavior as the family he dearly loves. As the father he wants to protect his family from the dangers of a world full of thieves, cheaters, and liars as he often tells them. Despite the fact that this brilliant man has to accept that he cannot accomplish this feat since he cannot protect his family from his own dysfunction, he feels particularly loved and supported by this child which his own wounded ego desperately needs.
 
In the process of learning the art of out thinking and out talking her father so he doesn’t kill her in an attack of anger, she develops a belief that the way to survive in life rather than confrontation, opposition, or physical encounters, is the be “right” to learn more, know more, and to always come up with wise sane solutions to problems she can use to dissuade those out of control from staying locked emotional outrages at the expense of rationality.
 
The father also has the same belief based on his insecurity that he must be “right” and that everyone else is too stupid to be alive. So there is modeling going on too.
 
It works for her as a child when she can talk him down in behalf of the rest of the family. She then assumes the same identity and position of reasoning peace maker for her brother when he acts out as an adult becoming recognized as the only person who can control him.
 
Our childhood experiences and assumptions about the authority figures in our lives get projected onto every other authority figure we encounter, or perceive in that role, until we intercede and remove the program. Having an authority figure who was abusive, the daughter projects this identity on to future authority figures, i.e., her husbands.
 
Unresolved, the girl who never confronted anyone or took care of herself becomes a woman terrified of confrontation and available for abuse of all kinds from the authority figures in her life.

The Law of Attraction in operation is evidenced by her attracting a husband who unbeknownst to her was a criminal who embezzled all the money she made in a multi-million dollar business and then framed her for his crimes in a seven year law suit. Having no money, she was forced to defend herself in court for much of the time against her ex-husband’s numerous unscrupulous attorneys. Her ability to make reasonable assumptions and find solutions served her well and she finally stood up for herself in order to be free so she could finish raising her children.
 
Later in a very traumatic life, some part of her mind expands her life long goal to defend humanity and takes up the cause confronting and speaking the truth as she sees it against  “assumed” authority figures; Corporate America and the government both of whom she sees as abusing, deceiving, manipulating and enslaving the American people by destroying their financial stability and denying them their rights. She is avid in her public defenses with letters to the Whitehouse and political blogging and speeches.
 
She has successfully transferred her anger, pain, and feelings of injustice from father to the Old Boys network that control the country. She continues to try to out think the offenders by applying research, reasoning and logical consequences to their disreputable and criminal machinations and then confronts them. But this does not make her feel better about a wasted life nor does it satisfy her need for justice. Modeling again after her father the Judge.
 
Here’s how this identity out pictures in her life. She obviously has done enough personal work to feel courageous enough to fight the good fight for those who can’t and/or suffered enough at the hands of authority to care more about justice than the consequences. [Much of her guilt and feelings of failure have been born of her inability as a child to protect her family from her father and later to protect her own children from him.]
 
But here’s the problem she has created. By labeling big business criminals who sell inferior products with fraudulent advertising and misrepresentation, and manipulate the economy, she sets herself up to continually experience problems with defective products, misrepresentation, errors in her accounts, refusal to refund money, etc.
 
Further, by using her survival mechanism to out think and out talk them with reasonable argument, and being successful doing it, she has become locked into her identity of “I’d rather the right than happy.” All around her the rest of the country is telling stories of how they have experienced the same things she has but they have chosen to have a life instead of defending themselves and others against big business.
 
Whereas, completely frustrated, she is spending much of her valuable time not accomplishing her vocational goals but fighting for justice for citizens and handling problems her own beliefs and attitudes have created for her. [Incidentally, her attorney father spent years fighting everyone from the government, business, and the medical profession over their inferior abilities and gross wrongdoings.] 
 
The Solution
 
She has to delete from all levels of consciousness, this “I’d rather be right than happy” identity and its logical extension from her childhood set up….”I have to be right or I could get killed.”
 
[As always the universe's laws of resonance continue to bring her clients who have the same beliefs and the same identities, with their own variety of coping mechanisms. Having learned from her own erroneous childhood assumptions, she can now assist them through the process of freedom from this subliminal identity pattern.]
 
Some of the erroneous beliefs supporting and keeping these identities in place will be deleted while taking out the identities themselves, and some will have to be deleted separately. Restructured oppositional programs have to be installed and integrated in the subconscious mind to replace the deletions.
 
Forgiveness and releasement protocols will free the body mind system from negative repressed energies. All associated repetitive behaviors and thinking patterns have to be deleted and rescripted as well. Any denial and projection processes on automatic create must be deleted and reprogrammed separately.
 
This may sound like years of work but can be done in several sessions using new restructuring technologies that are immediately and permanently effective. Restructuring Therapy will accomplish this work in a short period of time versus spending years in psychotherapy.
 
Once done, the ramifications of this identity’s viewpoints on life will fall by the wayside never to be experienced by her again and she can enjoy a higher quality of life than she has yet to experience.

 

People Are For Loving

MOLLY McGEE WHIMSICAL RHYMING BOOKS FOR CHILDREN

Rhyming Picture Books with colorful characters like Grandpappy Wappy tell stories about familiar situations in young children’s lives. Children enjoy reciting them even before they can read as well as hearing them read aloud.

Snappy meter and language make the books fun for everyone.  Each book fills a niche in children’s literature while giving messages about living an empowered, harmonious, happy, and successful life.

Also introduced under the name “Molly McGee Gets in a Snit and Has a Little Fit”….here is

People Are for Loving

Molly McGee liked to hit quite a bit.
She’d have a little fit
And hit and hit and hit…..

Now this is important, so again I remind,
People are for loving… not being unkind.

Sing Along CD’s and character puppets help children identify and role play with Molly McGee’s adventures. These whimsical rhyming books are sure to become life long favorites like the Dr. Seuss books.

Adele Tartaglia, Books2ChangeYourLife Author of books for adults and children is a Bd. Cert. Therapist, former elementary school teacher, grandmother of five and Radio Show Host  480/706-8137   books2changeyou@q.com   

Books 2 Change Your Life publishes spiritual and self help books for adults and children to advance their search for their authentic self, expand their consciousness, bless them with the peace they are, and teach them tools to change their lives as they actualize the love that is their divine essence.

Upcoming Events

Upcoming Events Spring 2010

Transform Your Life Instantly: Mental Erasers the Law of Attraction Work For You Instead of Against You, 2005.  Order the 2nd edition ebook Now at a discount at books2changeyou@q.com.

The Transform Your Life Workbook with exercises to locate hidden programs & tools to change your life is coming soon.

Make Your Mind Work 4 You Workshops are being expanded and will resume in a few months.

In the interim, I will conduct teleconferencing workshops and trainings for therapists and life coaches.

November 4th IMAGINE 2010 takes place!

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