RELATIONSHIP NEEDS AND EXPECTATIONS
Everyone has pre-programmed expectations in a relationship and it is often these very expectations, when unmet, that sabotage a relationship without the parties being fully aware of the undercurrent at work.
List under each category below some of your relationship expectations. There may be more than one right answer for you.
I expect to be treated lovingly and with respect at all times
I know marriage is a give and take situation and sometimes I just don’t feel too loving or supportive
No matter what is going on, I always love and respect my mate even if I don’t show it
My mate should know I love them without me telling them. I’m still here.
I believe in treating my mate with love and respect even if we are having a difference of opinion.
When we’re arguing, I want and expect my mate to be considerate and keep a civil tone to her/his voice
Arguing and hollering is part of marriage and doesn’t bother me that much.
When we’re disagreeing, I would rather have it out right then and there
When we’re disagreeing, I would rather shelve it until we’re both calmer
When something upsetting comes up for me out of past, I want and expect my mate to support me lovingly and patiently while I handle whatever feelings I have
When something upsetting comes up for me, I like to isolate myself for a few days and process it myself.
Respect For Personal Property:
This is very important to me. I don’t want my papers or personal property touched
I don’t mind if my mate moves my stuff while trying to clean up the house
I would not like it if my mate went into my handbag or pant’s pockets
I don’t really care if my mate goes into my handbag or pant’s pockets
Shared Household Responsibilities:
I expect my mate to share in the upkeep of our home
I don’t mind being doing all the household chores myself
I am willing to share in household chores
I am unwilling to do housework or yardwork
Child Rearing Expectations:
I expect my mate to share in the responsibility and care of the children
I don’t mind being the primary caretaker
I am willing to share the rearing of the children
I love my children but this is just not my thing
I expect and want my mate to be there for companionship most of time when he is not at work
I enjoy doing things with my mate but I need some time alone or with the boys
I don’t mind my mate having a night out with the boys or the girls
I can’t understand my mate’s need to spend time with his/her peers
I like spending all the time I can with my mate
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What are your Intimacy Needs:
I expect my mate to be faithful.
I may not always be faithful.
I would not mind if my mate stepped out once in a while.
I would be extremely upset and hurt if my mate stepped out on me.
I can take anything in a marriage except unfaithfulness.
I may wander but I could not stand it if my mate did.
My family belief system about faithfulness was:
I am willing to work on my beliefs about areas in our marriage which are at a variance and are causing us problems.
I think everything is fine just like it is and we don’t need to make any changes.
I expect to exercise control over my mate
The man is the boss of the home
I believe my mate is competent to make their own decisions and I don’t want to interfere
Women and men can make decisions together when it affects both of them and individually when that is appropriate
It is only by sharing these expectations that each person in a relationship has a chance to evaluate the needs and desires of his partner, determine if he can meet them, and have a meaningful discussion as to how to handle the differences between his own needs and the expectations of his partner. Knowing what is expected and required of each of you in the relationship will prevent many hurt feelings and arguments.